“But everyone else is doin’ it. Why should I wait?”
It really seems like that some days, doesn’t it?
Almost no one you know is saving sex for marriage. Few if any of your friends think it matters. The characters in movies and on TV aren’t concerned. Huh, they hop in and out of bed like it’s a game. How many people can you sleep with? Win a prize!
Except no one wins that game. Oh, they think it’s cool because who needs “rules” and such when it comes to sex. But they are not winning. No matter how hard they try to convince themselves they are.
I’m not surprised by this who-gives-a-care attitude. Saddened. Frustrated. Downright angry even. But not surprised.
Our society has so trivialized sex that waiting until after the “I do’s” is considered completely unnecessary. Not important in the least. And practically impossible. Even worse, being a virgin on the wedding night is considered dumb, even ridiculous, by a lot of people.
So why should YOU wait—when others aren’t waiting? Does saving sex for marriage matter in 2017?
Sure “times” have changed. Things are different now than they were a couple generations ago. Like people tend to marry later now, and in general society is more open about sex. Very true. But some things will never change. Like the purpose of sex.
You know what that is, right? The real reason sex exists? It’s all about the bonding of a husband and wife into this totally connected, deeply-meshed-together relationship. And then after all that joining, attaching and yes, cementing happens, that’s when the second awesome purpose of sex is supposed to kick in: the making of babies.
You know what else hasn’t changed? The way hormones related to sex effect the brain and the emotions. The way memories of sexual experiences become etched deep inside the mind. The fact that precious new babies need both a mom and a dad, fully engaged in their lives.
None of that has changed. No amount of time will change it.
At some point, someone in your life has asked you, “If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you too?”
You whined against their wise advice to not follow the crowd. Groaned or growled and rolled your eyes at the annoying question. Trying to pretend it was the stupidest inquiry ever. Even though you really knew it wasn’t.
But you know what? Having sex without the benefit of marriage is really a lot like jumping off a cliff. In either situation, you have no idea what danger/disaster awaits you once your feet go over that rocky edge. Unless there’s another ledge within just a few feet—which is unlikely—you’re probably in for a bad fall. Broken arms, legs, a gashed head—if you’re lucky. A smashed skull and severed spine, if you’re not.
When you have sex with someone you aren’t married to, you have no clue what’s “over the edge.” What complications / heartaches you’re setting yourself up for. How your emotions will be messed with. How your future in general, the relationships specifically, will be impacted. Your body put at risk of disease or pregnancy.
Even if every single person you know is willing to take those risks, why should you?
And actually, not everyone else is doin’ it.
A 2016 CDC survey reports an increase in high school students who have NOT had sex.
“Sex without limits is not making people happy,” concluded Dr. Jennifer Roback Morse, following the news that more Millennials are saving sex for marriage OR making commitments to “renewed waiting”.
Celebrity couples committing OR re-committing to saving sex for marriage are going public with their decisions to wait.
See, everyone else isn’t doin’ it.
If you have to look for people who are waiting, look for them. Just because your circle of friends aren’t saving sex for marriage, doesn’t mean no one is. Maybe a change-up in the who-you-hang-out-with department is in order.
Anyway, you should be mature and responsible enough to make your own decisions. Not fall for peer pressure. Especially the kind that has so much potential for harm.
Don’t let what you think everyone else is doin’ influence your decisions about sex.
You are worth waiting for. Sex is worth waiting for.
I’d love to hear from you in a COMMENT (under the title) OR by email at firstname.lastname@example.org
Coming soon . . . The “Waiting Matters” series in paperbacks and e-books! Stay tuned right here for cover reveals and release dates.