“Don’t worry about us, we don’t go all the way, we just…
…do everything else.”
Countless couples pat themselves on the back because, unlike many of their friends, they are not having sex. Not “regular” sex anyway. They fool around a lot, but they’re saving actual sex for … well, later. Maybe later as in marriage or maybe not that long. Just later.
“We’re still virgins,” they exclaim. “Isn’t that the point?”
Sort of, yes. But mostly, no.
It’s like this: yes, saving sex for marriage means no sexual intercourse before the “I do’s”. But it’s more than that. What saving sex for marriage really means is saving yourself—your body, your mind, your heart—for the person you commit to spending the rest of your life with.
It means purposefully guarding your heart and mind and body from the heartache, the memories, the scars, the baggage that sex outside of a marriage commitment often leaves behind.
If you’re playing the anything-except-that-last-step game, that’s not really saving sex for marriage.
Well, maybe “technically” it is. But in the deepest sense of what saving yourself really means, it’s not.
I know what you’re going to say…
“But I’m waiting to do it…”
“Oh, yes it is! We are saving sex for the wedding night!”
“As long as his… doesn’t go into her… it is not sex.”
Then I guess you’d be cool with your future husband or wife messing around with whomever, whenever—as long as it’s not actual intercourse. Right…?
Hmm. Maybe not.
Saving sex for marriage does not mean fooling around all you want, doing anything and everything except actual sex. While you may “technically” be a virgin, by the physical definition, your mind and your heart have crossed the line. Whether it’s in a dating relationship OR with your intended future spouse, you’ve shared a sexual experience that was intended for marriage.
Maybe all the attention placed on “virginity” gives people the impression that the other stuff is okay. The “stay a virgin” and “don’t do it” messages should really come with the advice to “steer clear of anything even remotely sexual.”
YES, that final step is huge. But all the stuff leading up to sexual intercourse is a big deal too. Physical intimacy is meant to create a deep and lasting bond between a husband and wife. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that this other stuff, when it culminates in orgasm, won’t also create a bond. Those experiences will complicate the relationship/situation and can unleash a host of other problems. See “Why wait? It’s all about the bonding…” for the science behind the incredible way sex works.
If you think you’re protecting yourself from STDs by “only” fooling around, think again. Oral sex and/or stopping just short of intercourse can also expose you to STDs. Virgins can contract AND spread sexually transmitted diseases. See “Myths about STDs that can hurt YOU”.
A lot of you are thinking things like…
“I’ve already done a lot of stuff… why stop now?”
“But I’ve had sex so it’s too late for me.”
“Are you seriously suggesting I change now?”
You bet I am!
Don’t beat yourself up about the past. You can’t change it, but you sure as heck don’t have to repeat it. Take a stand and vow not to let your past make your future choices.
It’s never too late to make wiser, healthier choices.Regardless of what you’ve already done, from today on, commit to saving yourself—body, mind and heart—for the intimacy of marriage.
Don’t let anyone talk you into settling for technicalities.
It does matter. YOU matter.
Your questions, concerns, thoughts and comments are always welcome. Share in a comment OR shoot me an email at waiting firstname.lastname@example.org